The concept of enabling has evolved significantly since its inception in the field of psychology. Originally coined in the context of addiction treatment, it has since expanded to encompass a wide range of interpersonal dynamics. At its core, enabling refers to behaviors that, while intended to help, actually allow or encourage destructive patterns to continue. It’s a bit like giving a fish to someone every day instead of teaching them how to fish – it might seem helpful in the short term, but it ultimately hinders their growth and independence. Psychologically, factors such as codependency, low self-esteem, and fear of conflict play significant roles.

Assertiveness is crucial in maintaining boundaries and avoiding enabling behaviors. To stop enabling behavior, address the issue directly, acknowledge the harmful actions, and insist on change. Encourage seeking help from a therapist, and set firm boundaries. Oftentimes, when a loved one is ill or in recovery, it’s difficult to find a balance between providing support and giving space.

Not following through on consequences

Codependent individuals rely on helping others to feel valued, while those with low self-esteem avoid confrontation to seek approval. These psychological traits often drive individuals to engage in enabling behaviors. If you think your actions might enable your loved one, consider talking to a therapist. In therapy, you can start identifying enabling behaviors and get support as you learn to help your loved one in define enabling behavior healthier ways.

You’re making excuses for problematic behavior

This is one of the worst types of enabling because it is socially reinforced by many people and often combines many aspects of other enabling behaviors such as denial. Study results show that enabling can significantly impede recovery, making it harder for the addicted individual to recognize and accept the need for change. Understanding the myths surrounding enabling is a significant step toward fostering an environment conducive to recovery. It equips you with the knowledge to offer genuine support, paving the way for a healthier, substance-free future for your loved ones.

Signs of Enabling

But I can’t help but be curious about how things would have gone if they’d both known the difference between enabling and helping when they first met. They may not agree to enter treatment right away, so you might have to mention it several times. Working with your own therapist can help you explore positive ways to bring up treatments that are right for your situation. Say your sister continues to leave her kids with you when she goes out. You agree to babysit because you want the kids to be safe, but your babysitting enables her to keep going out. If you or your loved one crosses a boundary you’ve expressed and there are no consequences, they might keep crossing that boundary.

• Encourage the loved one to seek professional help, while being prepared for possible resistance.
• For example, enabling behavior may include providing the school with an excuse so someone can skip class, even if they did because they spent the night drinking.
• Recognizing enabling behaviors in yourself or others is a vital step in fostering healthier relationships and supporting true recovery.
• They can also help you learn ways to empower, rather than enable, your loved one.

Other people tell you you’re enabling

But with persistence and support, it’s possible to break free from these patterns and cultivate relationships based on mutual respect and personal responsibility. A person becomes an enabler through a combination of psychological, emotional, and relational factors. Enabling typically arises from a deep-seated desire to protect or support a loved one, often leading to behaviors that inadvertently perpetuate harmful actions. Enablers are often motivated by a complex interplay of care, fear, and personal needs, which are intensified by societal expectations, particularly for women. Enablers usually act with good intentions, aiming to help rather than cause harm. However, what appears as supportive behavior actually reinforces the problem.

You may choose to believe them or agree without really believing them. You might even insist to other family or friends that everything’s fine while struggling to accept this version of truth for yourself. You might tell yourself this behavior isn’t so bad or convince yourself they wouldn’t do those things if not for addiction. But after thinking about it, you may begin to worry about their reaction. You might decide it’s better just to ignore the behavior or hide your money.

• You might even be afraid of what your loved one will say or do if you challenge the behavior.
• Helping empowers individuals to solve their own problems, while enabling creates dependency and stunts personal growth.
• This is why addiction is often seen as the elephant in the room.
• Through these efforts, we can create a more balanced and supportive environment for everyone involved.
• Recognizing the difference between supporting someone in recovery and enabling their addiction is pivotal.

Teen & Young Adult Treatment Tracks

While it often stems from the desire to help or “fix” a loved one’s struggles, enabling keeps the underlying problems unaddressed. In reality, these actions often hurt rather than help, as they prevent the alcoholic from facing consequences and hinder psychological growth, while contributing to negative symptoms in the enabler. I started out by listing unhelpful enabling behaviors, such as repeatedly lending money without accountability, with the caveat that sometimes a concrete piece of support could be appropriate. In this case, an enabler is a person who often takes responsibility for their loved one’s actions and emotions.

If you love someone with a mental health condition or substance use disorder, you may feel as though you’re doing everything in your power to help them, but it’s just not working. If your loved one starts shouting during a discussion and you continue the discussion instead of walking away, they may get the message that the problematic behavior isn’t that big of a deal to you. They may also feel that you’ll easily give in on other boundaries, too. When worried about the consequences of a loved one’s actions, it’s only natural to want to help them out by protecting them from those consequences. “Enabler” is a highly stigmatized term that often comes with a lot of judgment.

Whether it’s exploring different therapy techniques or finding resources to maintain sobriety, recognizing the thin line between help and hindrance can make all the difference. Relationships are meant to be supportive and nurturing, but sometimes well-meant actions can unintentionally cause harm. While the intention may come from a place of love or care, enabling can perpetuate unhealthy patterns, making it difficult for everyone involved to grow or thrive.

There’s often no harm in helping out a loved one financially from time to time if your personal finances allow for it. But if they tend to use money recklessly, impulsively, or on things that could cause harm, regularly giving them money can enable this behavior. Most people who enable loved ones don’t intend to cause harm.

You may feel obligated to continue helping even when you don’t want to. If you’re concerned you might be enabling someone’s behavior, read on to learn more about enabling, including signs, how to stop, and how to provide support to your loved one. Enabling behaviors include making excuses for someone else, giving them money, covering for them, or even ignoring the problem entirely to avoid conflict. The term “enabler” refers to someone who persistently behaves in enabling ways, justifying or indirectly supporting someone else’s potentially harmful behavior.

First is recognizing that you’re contributing to a cycle of enabling. That is, accept that you’ve played a part in perpetuating unacceptable behaviors in your loved one and make a commitment to breaking the cycle. “When you’re on the inside of an enabling dynamic, most people will think they’re just doing what’s best, that they’re being selfless or virtuous. In a lot of cases, it’s other people around you who are more likely to recognize that you’re helping someone who isn’t helping themselves,” Dr. Borland explains. Self-assessment tools can be invaluable in identifying enabling tendencies. These might include questionnaires that probe your relationship dynamics or journaling exercises that encourage reflection on your behaviors and motivations.